Beckteria

Don't Be a Hater

I’m just staring at this “blank” page thinking that my thoughts can just pour onto it unlike rain onto the cement. Perhaps there aren’t really any thoughts at all. Or perhaps it’s more like a trickle in a quiet, slow current in a babbling brook. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

But, I digress. I for some reason felt more hate walking home than I’ve ever really felt before. I’m not exactly sure what started this downward thought pattern, but there I was realizing how much a lot of (J) people hate me just ‘cause I’m white. I don’t think I’ve ever really felt so personally hated before. Again, it’s not like anything happened, I just suddenly felt this massive wave of hate (toward me) wash over me. I was suddenly completely submerged in my own thoughts of hate and anger. It was weird. Someone once told me that I personally cannot stand being hated by anyone. I think that’s probably far too true.

So, all I could think about was how much I was hated for reasons beyond my control. It’s not my fault I’m white or a woman. I guess I didn’t have to come here, but if not me, then another gaijin would’ve been asked to teach here instead. All in all, I’m just going to let my own crazy negative thoughts just here in print. Nothing will come of it. Just me blabbing about what stupid things run through my mind.

On a happier note, I’ve just been either sleeping in the hammock (such a perfect day today) or just sitting around the house today. My friends went to Oktober Fest, but I drank enough last night to be okay without drinking anything today. It sounded like fun too, but we all have our limits. It’s not like we have work tomorrow either, but still I don’t want to push it.

Hmmmm. Back to the hammock.

posted by Bex @ 6:30 AM