Beckteria

Nausea

I’m definitely scrambling to get the “last minute” items accomplished. I’m having a going away party and probably several more happy hours, cramming everyone I know into a two-week time crunch. I’m not naming names, but there are definitely people that I want to see more of and a lot of other people that I’m more than happy to leave behind ;)

I’d rather feel a bit rushed, otherwise I realize how nauseous I’ve been feeling. I feel like I’m throwing my life down the toilet—is it a super toilet? Or a Japanese style, flushing hole in the ground? I digress…. Anyway, I feel sick to my stomach, but a friend told me that it’s the feeling that she most looks forward toward. In other words, this is the head rush of beginning a new adventure, a new life. Head rush or migraine? Both.

Most Minnesotans think I’m nuts, as do most of my friends. Again, life is probably too easy here. I need a challenge. So, I move to a place where I hardly know the language, don’t really know anyone. What the fuck is MY deal? I am crazy. Only a few people don’t seem to think so.

My life is pretty much 100% falling apart—emotionally, financially, physically, mentally. Only one thing will ever endure in my life—my immediate family. They already know that. They are my backbone. Of course, as in the military, they tore me down to build me up. I am the youngest of five kids—all were tough and cruel, but only to teach me to pick myself back up. Get back on that high horse and ride again.

Soon, the life as I knew it will be packed up in about 3 suitcases. That’s way less than I moved to Minnesota with. That’s less than I had even when I was 18 and moved to Phoenix. Less than one room in my house now. Pack light, but pack smart, right? Maybe I would’ve learned this shit like my bro did in the army, but I didn’t enlist. I’m enlisting now into something much less accepted—ex-pat status. That’s not cool, well, with the war on terrorism and all. Ahh, fuck ‘em all. I don’t really care about nationalities, it’s all just a line in the sand as far as I can tell.

Back to the point….

Reality is starting to swirl in my mind. I’m glad that it’s not swirling at the bottom of the toilet like it has after too many drinks. Nausea sucks. It’s overwhelming. Thank gawd people are keeping me entertained. Ha Ha (monotone laugh).

posted by Bex @ 12:37 PM